Recovering from Medical Invalidation with Self-Compassion

Written By Christina Sandman

*Originally published in Substrata, a quarterly zine by Bouy for the chronic illness community.

If you have chronic illness, you are unfortunately probably all too familiar with the sinking feeling during a doctor’s appointment when they tell you they can’t figure out the cause of your symptoms and that it must be “in your head.” Medical invalidation is defined as having one’s experience dismissed, doubted, or minimized.1 Being invalidated by doctors increases emotional distress and is even considered traumatic, as acknowledged by the recent term "clinician-associated traumatization."2 Medical invalidation has harmful emotional, physical, and health consequences.3 Anxiety about attending appointments can intensify, exacerbating stress in the body, in turn worsening physical symptoms. This can lead to a general distrust of the medical system and (understandable) avoidance of medical appointments, ultimately delaying proper diagnosis and preventing access to necessary health care. 

Ironically, we sometimes cope with the pain of invalidation by mirroring this treatment back at ourselves through self-invalidation. We may tell ourselves we are being “dramatic”, blame ourselves for not explaining our symptoms well enough, wonder if we are making it out to be worse than it is, or insist that we should just learn how to be tougher. Self-invalidation not only intensifies shame, but it also further erodes trust in ourselves. 

So what can you do to recover from medical invalidation? First, I want to acknowledge that the onus really should be on medical providers to educate themselves and do better to uphold truly patient-centered care by truly listening to and affirming your experiences, even if (and especially when) they can’t land on diagnostic certainty. In the meantime while living in this current reality where medical gaslighting still occurs, you deserve to have some tools to soothe your system. Self-compassion can be a helpful antidote.4

What is self-compassion? The term refers to how we are with (com) our own suffering (passion), and has three components: 

  1. Mindfulness - acknowledging what is present for you by observing your emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations.

  2. Common humanity -  remembering that you are not alone, that many others are going through something similar, and that anyone in your situation would feel the way you do.

  3. Nurturing - responding to your suffering with kind and caring actions.

Here are some ways to practice:

  • Affirm the reality of your own experience. Don’t forget: You are the only person who lives in your body. While doctors and medical professionals are experts in biology generally, you are the expert of your own experience. 

  • Self-validation: Invalidation increases emotion dysregulation. Validation helps counter this by allowing space for the emotion to rise and fall in its own time. Practice labeling your emotion and offering yourself a sense of understanding of why it makes so much sense you feel that way. For example, “Of course I feel [angry], because [I wasn’t believed]” or “It makes sense I feel [so upset] because [that’s what invalidation does].” If you find it challenging to speak this way to yourself, imagine what you might say to a good friend in a similar situation.

  • Seek support from trusted others: Talk about your experience with people who listen and believe you. This could be a close friend, an online community of other people with chronic illness, or a therapist. Connection is healing, plus hearing others validate us often helps us learn how to validate ourselves.

  • Meditation: There are many wonderful guided meditations that experientially guide you through self-compassion in a few minutes. Dr. Kristin Neff has free recordings on her website: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/#guided-practices

  • Kind scheduling: Build in buffer time to recover after medical appointments (even if they go well, since you are often holding the stress of a history of not being believed with you!). Give yourself plenty of time afterward to rest. Think pacing: don’t schedule another stressful meeting or difficult conversation. Instead reward yourself with relaxation for doing the hard work of showing up to take care of your health. 

  • Soothing self-touch: Touch can stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system to help recover from stress and feel calmer (5). Offer your body a gesture of being held. As always, please trust your body and adapt any of these suggestions to something that feels safe and soothing to you. Perhaps it might feel nice to: 

    • Place one hand over your heart and the other on your belly while taking some deep, slow breaths. Feel into the rise and fall of your abdomen. Let your belly be soft and feel the places where your hands are making contact with your body. 

    • Place one hand gently behind the nape of your neck and the other hand on your forehead (as if taking your temperature the old fashioned way). Feel into the support of both of your hands holding your head tenderly. 

    • Offer yourself a hug by clasping your palms to opposite elbows or shoulders and allowing your body to receive this sense of containment and comfort. 

  • Fierce compassion through advocacy: If you notice medical invalidation happening in real time and you feel resourced enough to do so, push back by saying “Something doesn’t feel right” or “You aren’t listening to my experience” or “I don’t feel seen or heard here and I am going to seek a second opinion.” If you don’t feel able to do so yourself for whatever reason, bring a trusted friend or family member who can help advocate for you.

Sources:

  1. Chen, Y. W., Jen, E., Tsai, J. S., Peng, J. K., & Tang, C. C. (2025). Medical invalidation: A concept analysis. Patient Education and Counseling, 109338.

  2. Halverson, C. M., Penwell, H. L., & Francomano, C. A. (2023). Clinician-associated traumatization from difficult medical encounters: Results from a qualitative interview study on the Ehlers-Danlos Syndromes. SSM-Qualitative Research in Health, 3, 100237.

  3. Bontempo, A. C., Bontempo, J. M., & Duberstein, P. R. (2025). Ignored, dismissed, and minimized: Understanding the harmful consequences of invalidation in health care—A systematic meta-synthesis of qualitative research. Psychological Bulletin, 151(4), 399.

  4. Neff, K. D. (2023). Self-compassion: Theory, method, research, and intervention. Annual review of psychology, 74(1), 193-218.

  5. Slivjak, E. T., Kirk, A., & Arch, J. J. (2023). The psychophysiology of self-compassion. Handbook of self-compassion, 291-307.

Christina Sandman